Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Katie’s Poem

I’m not much of a scrapper. Scrap booking is the pastime of women who have a legacy to pass on, and someone to pass it to. My legacy won’t be in the collection of memories of first birthdays, first days of school, days at the park with Dad or a record of the little booties worn home from the hospital. No my legacy if any will be of a woman who was true to Jesus and the teaching of his Church and so rejected IVF, the easiest path to motherhood for those struggling with infertility in her day. But I did make one scrapbook. I recorded the events surrounding our first pregnancy and the wedding that followed quickly on its heels.

I pulled it out recently, because the loss of our little girl Katie has been on my mind. I’m not much of a poet, really not much of a writer, but all those years ago I woke up one morning in the mist of the turmoil surrounding an unexpected pregnancy, a quickie wedding and ultimately the loss of our baby and a poem fully formed was rolling around my head. I got up and typed it out on our state of the art monochrome monitor 286 and recorded it for posterity.

It’s interesting to have a window back in time. It’s interesting to have a reflection on an event that has so shaped my life, and to read it from the viewpoint of where the events have taken me. A place far, far away from were I was.

Katie came to be with me
But only for one day
Then my little Katie Ann
Had to go away

When she was here
She took a moment
To whisper in my ear

“It won’t be long Mommy
Before I’m home to stay
Mommy I think what you really need
Is a good plan for today
Mommy you need to think about
Getting some things in order
Here Mommy I’ve made a list
Of things you’ll want to consider”

First of all Mom it would make me mad
If you didn’t marry my Dad
After all a little girl needs her
Mommy and Daddy too.
To take care of her and hold her tight
When scary dreams come around
And monsters lurk in closets
A little girl needs her Daddy
To show her all is right
To check for monsters
In closets and corners
To help her know
She’s safe and sound in her cozy
Bed at night

And furthermore Mom I’d like to mention
It’s time to make your move
Out into the world
It’s time to go
You’ve been holding back
Yourself for to long
I must tell you I don’t plan to inherit
A whole set of frustrated ambitions
I’ll have my own ambitions you know
Each lifetime has room for only one
So it’s really time to get out there Mom
It’s time to get some things done!

Mommy I know you want most of all
What’s really best for me
I know Mom because I know a lot of thing
That you want me so very much
Don’t worry Mom I’ll be back
And sooner than you know

Katie came to be with me
But only for one day
Then my little Katie Ann
Had to go away

How busy our little intercessors must be, how sweet the fragrance of their prayers to our Lord, how gentle the breeze in the garden of their home, how merciful our God to forgive us our sins when we repent and to accept the prayers of our children on our behalf.

Mother Mary gather our children, all those who’ve died so young and pray for us to the Lord our God that we come to respect and protect the lives of those who need our protection the most.


Jenny said...

How beautiful. Sharing your story this way is touching lives and hearts you may never be aware of this side of heaven, but all the same, thank you for your generousity and your vulnerability!

Anne Marie said...

Thank you. I’m not sure why it seams to be pouring out at this particular point, but it just is.

How awesome you are going to NY for Papa's Mass. Have a safe trip and tell us all about it when you get back.