We got a call from our adoption case worker about a seventeen year old girl considering adoption for her infant. We’ve never pursued infant adoption, so I’ve never written a “Dear Birth Mom” letter. Sometimes the letters I would read seamed so desperate and sad. I don’t think God will place this child with us, it’s just a feeling I have, but I wrote a “Dear Birth Mom” letter to her if for no other reason than to affirm her decision to choose life for her child.
Here’s the letter.
To the birth family considering an adoption plan:
Thank you for choosing life for your child. Our nation’s very foundation hinges on “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”, yet without life no other pursuits are possible.
As you wrestle with the decisions you will be making in the next few months, some of which may be very difficult, know that the decision to allow your child the opportunity to pursue all that life has to offer is absolutely the best possible decision you could have made and all other decisions you make stand on this excellent and rock solid foundation.
My husband and I have been married eighteen years (yikes). We’ve had a difficult time of it in the fertility department. I lost our first pregnancy in 1990 and two others a few years later. We considered a number of options and pursued infertility treatment for a while, but we simply were not comfortable with some of the technologies and decided not to go any further.
Losing my pregnancies was very difficult and I was a bit more hesitant to pursue adoption than my husband. I was hesitant wondering if I would love my adopted child less since he/she wouldn’t be my own flesh and blood. I wondered, would I be less willing to endure the hard times, and make the sacrifices necessary to be a good mom for “someone else’s child”? These are difficult questions and although my husband was certain I would love to pieces any child the Lord brought to our home, I was still a bit unsure. I would watch every Adoption Story episode on TV trying to gain insight into the process and learn from the experience of others.
Let me cut to today and allow me to introduce my son… (Photo Omited Since This Is The WEB)
As you can see he’s quite a cutie. We adopted him from foster care when he was nine and he is the light of my life. Don’t get me wrong he can be a little stinker, but I do love him to pieces just as my husband predicted. I can’t quite put it into words, other than to say this child is MY son. I didn’t carry him, I didn’t even get to hold him when he was little or help him learn to walk, but he is my son never the less. I love being a mom. My husband and I get asked quite often about the life changing impact of bringing a child into our family after seventeen years of marriage, and we often get well meaning compliments about helping out this child in need (our son has a difficult past and was not well taken care of by his birth family).
The truth of the matter is having a child in the house feels more “normal” than the first seventeen years of marriage without him, and even more important to me, we aren’t performing any great service to humanity by parenting this child, he brings joy and love into our lives that I can’t recall how we did without for seventeen years!
I believe this is the way when we choose the path of life. The love we have, the resources we have aren’t limited with a cap imposed that we’d best not exceed or doom and peril will befall us. No, love expands our resources, love expands our ability to love and our capacity and the resources to love grow as we stretch our hearts to make room for each other. So it is with families who ground their decisions in affirming life.
Our home and family life is pretty old fashioned. My husband and I own a business so we have some flexibility in our schedule. I work while our son is in school, but I’m with him in the afternoon, which makes me a semi stay at home mom. We work on homework or run errands in the afternoon, and I have a home made dinner ready every evening at 7:00pm when Dad comes home. We don’t watch TV during the week so that we have time for each other. We make an occasional exception for a sporting event that Dad’s interested in, but TV never comes before evening family time.
My husband and I are both college graduates and I have a masters degree. We’ve worked together in a number of businesses and have found that very rewarding, but my favorite roll, the one I consider most important is that of a home maker. It’s very important to me that our home be a gracious peaceful place, that it be a safe and soft place for us to land at the end of the day.
We are a Catholic family and we work to live Jesus’ commandment to love God and each other and practice our faith in word and deed in the very ordinary lives of a Midwestern family. We have learned to trust in God and his decisions for our family. My husband and I each have three siblings and our son comes from a family with five siblings. We love our sibs and again could not imagine life without them. We are hoping the Lord will bless us with more children, and we will accept and love whatever children he wishes to add to our family.
As you consider an adoption plan for your baby ask God’s guidance in making your decision, ask him to lead you to the right decision and to the right family. It is God that brings individuals together in marriage to make a family and God who brings children into that marriage, sometimes through birth sometimes through adoption, but always at the right time and in the best way.
If after asking God’s guidance you feel that our family is the right place for your baby we would welcome him/her as a blessing and raise him/her with love, discipline, and the same respect for life that you are demonstrating by the decisions you are making about his/her life today.